noblemasculinity.com

“The pessimist resembles a man who observes with fear and sadness that his wall calendar . . grows thinner with each day. On the other hand, a person who attacks the problems of life actively is like a man who removes each successive leaf from his calendar and files it away neatly and carefully, after having first jotted down a few diary notes on the page.” Viktor E. Frankl (Creator of logotherapy , Nazi concentration camp survivor)

Each day is unique. One must banish fear from every aspect of his life so that each day can be actualized to its full potential. Once you start actualizing things in your life, the satisfaction you receive from this will help to give you the strength to banish some of your insecurities. Maybe you hesitated to talk to that attractive woman sitting next to you at the sushi bar when you really wanted to or failed to make a decisive decision when it was needed or appeased someone rather than be true to yourself thinking it isn’t a big deal. All three are essentially the same thing. Don’t hide in a world of your own creation because when you do, that world will not be one that mixes well with the real world. Each insecurity, each thing you wish you could do, but hesitate to do, has a solution. Often these solutions are just a matter of learning a new skill which you can find resources for.

Activism not optimism (and certainly not pessimism) is the order of everyday!! A saint in his own world does nothing for the world, and an average frustrated chump in his own world is pathetic. Step up and Be the man!!

Required Reading: Man’s Search for Meaning by Viktor Frankl We all live trying to find meaning in our lives, what we don’t realize often enough is that there are those that have come before us who have experienced things that can help us on this path. Don’t wait, read this book!

“Honor is nothing but the vanity of vanities, which causes a man to defy his own mind and that of his Master and to forget his duty.” Moshe Chaim Luzzato (Italian Jewish Mystic)

In the course of conversation, you will undoubtedly encounter times when a man or woman will heap praise on you. The technique that you must come to believe in sincerely is disqualification. The advantage of this technique is that your preserve your integrity by showing appreciation but then moving to something else. In the mind of your conversational partner, you will be seen even higher than before but will be avoiding vanity at the same time.

For years, I had trouble accepting praise from people. Part of this may have been related to a sense that I felt that I wasn’t worthy or it, and part was because I didn’t want the attention. Now, when I receive praise, I accept and then disqualify it. For example, when I am out, and people find out I am a physician, they often say things like “That is so great your are a doctor.” When you start off saying, “Oh its nothing,” you are alienating your conversational partner, she has just complimented you and you are rebuffing her.

Instead practice the art of disqualification. Say, “Thank you, I really enjoy (being or doing etc) but what really excites me is (doing or being etc)” This way, you accept her praise but move on to something else, it both shifts the conversation in a place you would like to go and it allows you to avoid the pitfalls of honor that can happen when someone internalizes the praise and honor of others. You have a duty being a noble man and it has nothing to do with dwelling on the opinions of others whether negative OR POSITIVE.

This takes practice but try to respond to comments about your achievements by accepting, disqualifying, and then searching out what is special in the person that you are talking to. The problems with honor and praise are when those words swell in the mind of the person, this leads to arrogance and a person staying in their heads. Stay out of your head! Be quick, don’t let those words of praise enter your head and swell. Accept, disqualify, and search for that nugget that makes your conversational partner unique.

In the end you will be maintaining a higher plane of conversation while staying committed to your integrity. This is the proper way to handle praise. Internalize this lesson and make it automatic, practice it always and one of the major pitfills of noble conversation will not be a pitfall but a windfall.

You were born an innocent child.  The beauty of infants is in the new and palpable sense of wonder of what may come and the great potential that they have.  As we grow, somewhere along the line we take on anxieties and guilt for things.  This guilt can damage your self image and make you feel a tremendous amount of self- doubt.

Decide right now that you are going to be a person that can look at the situations of your life and at least forgive yourself for things that you may have done or things that you failed at.  You have to give yourself the permission to fail at things, its ok, and its part of the learning experience.  It is when you retreat from failure and then avoid those situations and enter your comfortable coccoon of an existence that you begin to self-doubt for lack of overcoming those obstacles and retreating from the world.

Comfort is a double edged sword.  The comfort that leads to laziness is the one that must be battled constantly, it will damage your self esteem and lead to self-doubt.  You need a project, a higher mission in life to be a noble man.  The opposite of comfort in this setting is not discomfort, it is sincere striving, it is characterized by an intense positive energy that can fill every aspect of your life but it is not comfort.  As a noble man, you move from goal to goal elevating people along the way.  Stay out of other peoples heads and don’t over analyze people, you are on a mission and have positive work to do.

The great men of history did not stop when failure arose, they looked it as another way NOT to achieve what they were trying to do and hence closer to their goal.  You can adopt this attitude.  I know people who are actually happy when they fail at something because they have so internalized this lesson, that they know that they are closer to the goal they have set than before the failure.

You must engage the world, accept failure as the true recognition that you are on a mission, learn and go at it again.  Do not doubt yourself.  You are new everyday of your life, forgive yourself, if you are fortunate to have today, then yesterday’s lessons can allow you to live a whole new life today, filled with strength, optimism, and belief in yourself.  Be the man!!  Because you owe to it yourself and to the world!!

“He makes people pleased with him by making them first pleased with themselves.”

“My son, here is the way to get people to like you. Make every person like himself a little better and I promise that he or she will like you very much”

Lord Chesterfield wrote the above in a letter to his son, these letters were then published years later. As you go about your day and life you will inevitably find people who are not living up to their potential. You raise them up by studying them and finding an attribute that is positive, getting them to express it, and then praising them for it. Do not reward them for it before they have expressed it! You may discover this attribute before they express it through observation. Only when they have expressed it should you reward or praise them for it. If you do before that, the person will not feel it to be sincere, even if it is true. This is a very important concept to remember and live by.

Once you recognize that positive attribute, draw it out of them by showing sincere interest in it, and then let them talk and express it through open ended questions, then reward them for it. If they have low self-esteem or for other reasons, it may be difficult to get them to talk about it and you may need to put a little pressure on them by asking them an open ended question and remaining strong and silent and waiting for them to express what you know is true.

Emerson said “Our chief want in life is someone who shall make us do what we can.” Don’t ever be afraid to hold people to high standards! Ultimately, that is what they want! The benefits of doing this are two-fold, you improve the person and even if there is resistance, they will end up respecting you greatly.

The man who possesses noble masculinity is in a never ending exercise of raising people up in the way described by great men like Emerson and Chesterfield. It is through this method that you show your interest in humanity as an active participant and an upholder of noble masculine virtues that enhance your status and improve the lives of others.

Freely adapted and interpreted from the following books.
Recommended Reading:
Lord Chesterfield’s Letters
Positive Imaging : The Powerful Way to Change Your Life by Norman Vincent Peale

Do you know why you strive for the things you desire? Have you analyzed the motivations for goals?

The nobleman’s reasons for any specific goal relate to the reward of actually achieving that goal, never any of its accompanying benefits. The nobleman realizes that noble masculinity requires of one to be honest with himself, we do not delude ourselves by trying to achieve things to make up for a lack of other skills. One doesn’t desire riches because one is deficient in other areas and think that riches will make up for a lack in another realm of your life, to use an example. Examine why you desire the things you do!

Will the achievement of that goal lead to another grander one? If it does not or you can not imagine that it will, you should really re-assess your goals.

Through honest searching of your strengths and weaknesses, the nobleman isolates those deficits that are worthy of correction and makes it a distinct goal to overcome these deficits. He does not overcompensate in one area in order to make up for lack in another. He does not make the mistaken assumption that by achieving in one area it will somehow make up for another.

I know many friends that have spent their lives pursuing money and riches with the notion that this will bring them success with women and lead to happiness. The nobleman works in a different way. If he is unsuccessful with women for example, he will make it a sincere goal to overcome this problem through diligent work and making contacts and learning from those who are successful. A nobleman does not overcompensate for a lack, when a lack is discovered a new goal is formed, if it is deemed important for his constant growth.

The lesson here is that noble masculinity requires of a man to be honest with his defects and strong enough to make a plan to overcome and excel at them.

The noble man is a scientific observer of human interactions. When someone rubs you the wrong way, it is important to remain as unemotional as possible and switch to observer mode. When in this mode even your gaze can overcome potential conflict. Your gaze communicates the feeling that you are unmoved by their behavior and are curious as to why they are behaving this way.

In your never ending quest for social mastery, you must begin to love your role as someone who is truly interested in humanity, even segments which you don’t like. The noble man is not free from dislike or even hate of those who are evil, but it doesn’t affect him like others. The normal man will get a physical reaction, stress, and disrupted thinking from those he hates. The noble man greets the emotion of dislike or hate from another direction. He looks at it as a scientific observer and decides whether or not it is worth his energy or should he move on to productive activity and interactions. When he makes that decision he will leave the emotion and its accompanying bad side effects behind.

The nobleman has a sensitive moral compass but he does not let evil or dislike affect him in such a way to derail him from his lofty goals. The worst side effect of dislike and hate (besides the physical reactions and stress) is to take precious time away from moving toward one of your many goals.

All of this is of course very difficult. In your quiet moments of reflection or prayer or meditation, try to spend some time, distancing yourself from being invested in dislike and hate, see it being bounced off of you. You don’t have to love those you hate or annoy you, that is unrealistic. The nobleman constantly strives to honestly acknowledge that emotion, takes a look at it as a scientific observer especially in the midst of an interaction, remain detached as much as possible, and move on to better things.

Freely adapted and interpreted based on material from Positive Imaging by Norman Vincent Peale

The noble man sees everyday and every interaction as a chance to bring light. He realizes that one must always be “on” so to speak. This of course can be very hard and we all have our low days. I use an erasable magic marker and on occasion write inspirational things on my mirror in the mornings that I am having trouble getting my mood and strength up. You must have in your armory things you can do to break that feeling. I recommend that you have some book that you have always found inspirational with you or at least readily available if necessary.

A noble man must always be free of acting in a way that hides an ulterior motive. Only one agenda is needed and that is to bring as much light to any interaction and then when the light is shining, you have the control to decide how you want it to proceed and in what manner. The best way to accomplish this is “to be interested and not to try to be interesting.” Even in situations where you encounter people not interested in connecting with you, you must maintain your strength in knowing you walk in integrity and purpose. What others think of you in this situation is none of your business, stay out of their heads and stay in your space of calm, collected, confident energy ready to bring light.

Something wonderful happens when one is self-confident. It inspires others around them to relax and be open to communication. As a physician I have often noticed how people around me tend to relax when it is obvious that I am confident in my abilities.

When one is in a social situation the same thing happens. When you project warmth and confidence, people around you will feel more comfortable. The noble man who has developed a sense of self-confidence uses it with his social intelligence to create an environment of friendly relaxed communication and fun. When you develop your confidence, you need to use it to be an ambassador of good will wherever you go.

Too many people in situations from elevators to shopping malls to work settings to bars to parties are simply afraid and too self-concious to initiate conversations. As a noble man, you are an ambassador for changing the vibe to a more positive one. For some noble men, it involves elevating the energy, for others it involves a more peaceful one. The point I am trying to make is that the noble man through his confidence has a great deal of control of his environment and is always looking to bring out what is special in the person he is interacting with.

Today, make it a point to speak to 3 people. Either plan to bring a smile to their face or find out something special about someone you interact with on a regular basis. Be the man because you ARE the man!!

The purpose of this website is to create / resurrect / expand the concept of noble masculinity. What is a noble man? Why is he needed in our society? Why has the pop psychology movement done little for men? How can the human potential movement be used for clarifying masculinity? What is the impact on feminism on the notion of masculinity? How does one become a noble man? What will be the result of a new wave of men who embrace a energized form of masculinity characterized by strength, discipline, creativity, faith, optimism, social intelligence and leadership?

The above questions are ones that I hope to explore with your help. Our society has unfortunately embraced the notion that the violence of today and the past is somehow related to masculinity. This is perpetuated by pop psychology, the media, and extreme feminism. The fact is that our society is in desperate need for leadership that personifies noble masculinity.

True noble masculinity or the concept of the noble man or nobleman is one that embraces the masculine. He is a man who does not need the validation of the feminine but understands that the feminine is naturally enthralled by a man who is living for a higher purpose and goal. The noble man is one that understands and is brought to new heights of living by the dance between the two poles of masculine and feminine.

Possessing unequaled social intelligence, he studies human behavior because he knows that everyday and every interaction is a chance to expand and learn about people and to leave every person and every interaction at a higher level. His confidence and social acumen allows him to find what is special in every person and to relate to them and reward them.

The noble man approaches the feeling of fear as a sure sign that he must overcome it, not through reckless abandon but through concerted, concentrated effort knowing that beyond fear is another level of achievement and enlightenment.

He is in control of his sexuality because he understands that women of quality, respect and instinctively understand that a man in control of his sexuality is a man of almost unequaled power and attraction. This does not mean restricted sexuality, it means an awareness and ability to harness this power both for physical sexuality of unparalled passion but also for its use in creative expression.

In summary this website will explore and provide a place for men who sense that the power in being a man is not one to be ashamed of as society portrays it, but one of noble power, immense responsibility, and one that shows the way to true happiness and achievement.