Aug 26 2007
Honor and Disqualification
“Honor is nothing but the vanity of vanities, which causes a man to defy his own mind and that of his Master and to forget his duty.” Moshe Chaim Luzzato (Italian Jewish Mystic)
In the course of conversation, you will undoubtedly encounter times when a man or woman will heap praise on you. The technique that you must come to believe in sincerely is disqualification. The advantage of this technique is that your preserve your integrity by showing appreciation but then moving to something else. In the mind of your conversational partner, you will be seen even higher than before but will be avoiding vanity at the same time.
For years, I had trouble accepting praise from people. Part of this may have been related to a sense that I felt that I wasn’t worthy or it, and part was because I didn’t want the attention. Now, when I receive praise, I accept and then disqualify it. For example, when I am out, and people find out I am a physician, they often say things like “That is so great your are a doctor.” When you start off saying, “Oh its nothing,” you are alienating your conversational partner, she has just complimented you and you are rebuffing her.
Instead practice the art of disqualification. Say, “Thank you, I really enjoy (being or doing etc) but what really excites me is (doing or being etc)” This way, you accept her praise but move on to something else, it both shifts the conversation in a place you would like to go and it allows you to avoid the pitfalls of honor that can happen when someone internalizes the praise and honor of others. You have a duty being a noble man and it has nothing to do with dwelling on the opinions of others whether negative OR POSITIVE.
This takes practice but try to respond to comments about your achievements by accepting, disqualifying, and then searching out what is special in the person that you are talking to. The problems with honor and praise are when those words swell in the mind of the person, this leads to arrogance and a person staying in their heads. Stay out of your head! Be quick, don’t let those words of praise enter your head and swell. Accept, disqualify, and search for that nugget that makes your conversational partner unique.
In the end you will be maintaining a higher plane of conversation while staying committed to your integrity. This is the proper way to handle praise. Internalize this lesson and make it automatic, practice it always and one of the major pitfills of noble conversation will not be a pitfall but a windfall.